An important concept that confuses many men and their sexual partners when it comes to delayed ejaculation is that although orgasm and ejaculation are generally thought to be exactly the same thing, these are, in fact, separate events.
The explosive sensation of orgasm is a mental event, which takes place purely as a chemical and synaptic interaction in your mind, although it is also accompanied by pleasurable sensations throughout the body.
Video – delayed ejaculation
Conversely, ejaculation is a purely physical reaction which is triggered by repetitive pleasurable physical contact to the penis and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body.
Much research is still needed to find where orgasmic pleasure happens inside the brain, but much is known about the synaptic pathways by which the reflex response of ejaculation is precipitated.
There are competing viewpoints but one theory is that when erotic pleasure gets to a certain point, the emission of ejaculatory fluids near the end of the the urethra increases the pressure at the base of the erect organ, and this consequently results in a whole set of physical responses including flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.
The involuntary nervous system is at full play as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is confined to the voluntary nervous system.
As it is, medical professional have long been acquainted with delayed ejaculation and the names commonly used to describe this bodily phenomenon most likely mirrors in a very real sense, the scientific community’s evolving understanding of this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
From my perspective, I’m convinced that these changing names illustrate a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men whose sex lives are somehow impaired by their unique ejaculation patterns during sex.
Interestingly enough, many of these men are able to climax regularly from masturbation. Given this quaint data, scientists suggest that there might be some relationship issues associated with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex. However, one must exercise a healthy dose of skepticism when seeking an explanation that lies in the relationship between a couple.
There’s ample reason to conclude that the failure to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, merely represents the fact that there’s nothing in these activities that approximate the heightened degree of stimulation that a man may be accustomed to apply to his own organ in the act of masturbating and imagining sex.
Certainly, anyone can get physically accustomed to response to higher levels of stimulation, so it’s always wise to establish whether or not the problem in ejaculating is simply because of the fact that the man by himself, can perform harsh, firm, or high-frequency stroking during self pleasuring, in a fashion that is not simulated in the course of actual sex with a partner.
If the problem is, in fact, caused by a simple mismatch in techniques, the remedy will be in the form of reconditioning the body, the sex organ and the mind, to react to a slightly altered style of pleasuring that can ultimately bring about a climax during sexual activity.
Needless to say, counsellors and sex therapists tend to adopt the position that the dynamics between the partners is the real cause of the problem.
As a matter of fact, there’s sufficient basis for this school of thought. I have come across many couples in which a gradually rising level of hostility has diminished intimacy to such a degree that the male no longer enjoys sex, and secretly dislikes the routine, while at the same time, being powerless to reach out to his spouse or partner and start a rational conversation to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution to these problems.
Moreover, even without resentment, anger, or any other negative feelings on the part of the man towards his partner, there is, as some studies show, a particular kind of individual who is often a natural sufferer of delayed ejaculation.
Based on the latest research journals, this personality type appears to be a person who is in some way strangely unaware of his personal preferences to induce sexual pleasure, who is often unable to accept just how aroused he is while doing sexual activity, who often considers sex with his partner as a duty that he needs to perform, who considers his partner’s pleasure during sexual intercourse as his own responsibility, and who believes that her pleasure must be considered before his own and is the priority during sex. These men generally, whether expressed or not, see themselves as the “workhorse of sex”, grinding on (sometimes to no avail) to bring the sexual intercourse to a satisfying conclusion.
It is likewise noticeable that many of the partners of males with this condition tend to be disinterested when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that it’s the man who is responsible for their sexual gratification.
The truth is, they should be of course responsible for their personal pleasure. In such cases, it’s clearly valuable to be able to provide tips to a couple and give them some actionable sexual information. This way, their ideas and beliefs about sex and sexual pleasure can be brought closer to reality.
Furthermore, it has been observed that males who fall into this subservient sexual profile tend to have a lack of solid grasp of their own gradations of pleasure. In a very real sense, there appears to be a degree of disconnect, or a blank space, in their sexual maturity, in such a way that they have rendered dependent their internal process of sexual arousal with the outside process of having sexual intercourse with a partner.
What I mean by this is that their own erotic world somehow doesn’t function as a source of sexual stimulus and pleasure: they are left in a sort of sexual limbo where they are trying to engage in sexual intercourse without all the emotional and physiological tools that are important for it to be an enjoyable and intimate activity.
Delayed ejaculation is not as difficult to deal with as people tend to imagine, judging by the reports of difficulties that men have in the forums where such matters are discussed.
The truth of the matter is that one of the reasons delayed ejaculation treatment appears to be difficulties that the reasons for its development are actually not very well understood. A lot of men with delayed ejaculation have a psychological challenge around sexual activity, our more specifically around intimacy with a woman.
And because this is out of consciousness, out of awareness, they tend to look for solutions which are based in the physical – often wanting to be told that their difficulty ejaculating is due, for example, to an insensitive penis.
However there isn’t any scientific evidence of any kind to support this view, and one has to fall back on the interpretation of delayed ejaculation as a psychological response to sexual difficulties of a psychological nature. Working with delayed delayed ejaculation in many men over the years what I’ve come to understand is that the most predominant factor behind it is a lack of intimacy, or more specifically a lack of ability to establish close intimacy with a woman – and that in turn is probably due to fear of intimacy.
It’s hard to avoid the conclusion that at the root of this problem is a level of emotional wounding which damages the man’s capacity to trust. He may come to prefer sex with himself, a state of mind which has been dubbed “auto sexuality”.
However like everything else in the human brain, with supportive treatment of the right kind, which may in this case mean psychological work at a deep level, it’s entirely possible to eradicate the emotional wounding during childhood which is most likely to be responsible for the problem.
Needless to say, a man’s willingness to examine these issues is absolutely fundamental to resolving the situation and becoming fully and normally sexually functional once again.