Delayed Ejaculation

A problem faced by many men is much less well-known than premature ejaculation – the problem of delayed ejaculation, when a man can’t ejaculate in a timely fashion during sexual intercourse.

This may sound perverse, because we are all accustomed to experiencing reports in the media of premature ejaculation cures for men who can’t control themselves (or their excitement) during intercourse.

The reality of the matter is, however, that many men have difficulty ejaculating. The problem stems from the fact that many men are “cut off” from their feelings, and therefore don’t experience the correct degree of sexual arousal during intercourse – the correct arousal, in this case at least, being the level of arousal necessary to take them to the point of ejaculation.

So, it’s not an uncommon problem, and it can be cured – but it does require the man who is experiencing it to face up to the emotions that might be causing the problem! Nonetheless, with a degree of determination and some sympathetic help by his partner, most men who have this problem will find that they are restored to full ejaculatory capacity quite quickly.

The cause of the problem is unknown – at least, in the generic sense. What we know at a specific level is that emotional experiences such as anger towards the partner, fear during sexual intercourse, or other difficulties such as guilt and shame around sex can be implicated in this sexual problem. For example, men who feel they have difficulty ejaculating in a timely way may want to avoid exploring their feelings; this is quite understandable. So a compassionate approach to this issue is certainly required.

Solutions for slow ejaculation

Many men with this difficulty will approach the problem from a practical point of view, asking their pharmacist or doctor if they can have some drug that would resolve the day difficulty they’re facing. Sadly, there is no drug, and treatment usually involves some  psychological analysis or exploration.

Now if you’re a man for whom the thought of counselling or therapy is terrifying, then you will be reassured to know that this doesn’t have to be profound or prolonged therapy – it simply has to be effective enough to just loosen the inhibition over ejaculation, and beyond that, any exploration of relationship issues is entirely down to the couple in question.

Often men with delayed ejaculation seem to be a little bit inhibited in the expression of their feelings. They have control of their sexual orgasm, and perhaps even the expression of their masculinity – there are ways to deal with that, that go beyond the common or garden workshop setting, and allow men to find ways to step more powerfully into their masculinity.

One route you might consider if you’re in this situation is the Tantric route to self-exploration and growth and development – while Tantra is thought of something esoteric from the East, that perhaps we Westerners would do well to avoid, it’s actually very practical and wonderful system of exploring the essence of your sexuality in a non-threatening and self esteem enhancing way.

Perhaps is becoming clear to you now that there are many different routes to the treatment of delayed ejaculatory, not all of them have to involve deep exploration of the psyche – something that many men find frightening, as I’ve already observed stop the truth of the matter is that in general the old-fashioned treatment methods such as desensitisation were inadequate because they weren’t backed up any kind of psychological analysis.

With a little bit of exploration of the psyche, and a little bit of exploration of emotional feelings, is possible for men and women to explore the practical, sexual side of their relationship in a way that opens out inhibited concepts and feelings for discussion, thereby loosening the man’s hold or “restraint” over his ejaculatory tendency.

In other words, desensitization is a good approach to the problem, and indeed this formed the first classic approach to treatment: the man would be encouraged to gradually develop greater intimacy with his partner, if only on a physical level, and finally to effect a maneuvre in which he could ejaculate inside his partner.

Now times have moved on, and such forthright and perhaps forceful treatment methods are no longer appreciated by either therapists or clients.