Consequences of delayed ejaculation for men
- Reduced sexual self-esteem, in other words the feeling that the man isn’t good enough in bed.
- A sense that he is lacking sexually, and that somehow he doesn’t compare to other men.
- A more fundamental sense of difference, marking the man apart from other men in terms of his sexual abilities and skills.
- A sense of shame, around his inability to satisfy his partner.
- An unspecified, but deeply felt, sense that somehow, something is wrong with the man in some way because he can’t ejaculate during intercourse.
Delayed ejaculation causes all kinds of relationship stresses
Consequences For Women
- A sense that the woman isn’t attractive enough to arouse her partner to the point of ejaculation.
- A lack of intimacy and connection that originates in a relationship difficulty which is unspoken.
- A sense of deprivation, because the natural climax of ejaculation during sexual intercourse is not available to her.
- A sense of disconnection, not being good enough, and total inadequacy, because a man can’t reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.
- The possible inability to conceive children if intercourse can’t reach its natural climax.
- And a sense that her partner may not love her enough to want to ejaculate inside her.
As you can understand, these are not insignificant problems, and they can cause serious difficulties between partners. This is why many therapists and doctors recommend that people who are trying to solve sexual difficulties and delayed orgasm problems in the relationship should see a sexual therapist regarding intimacy issues.
Interestingly enough, however, this particular problem has not been talked about very much, and only in recent years, perhaps due to the influence of the Internet, where anonymous contributions and discussions are possible, has delayed ejaculation become much more widely known.
One of the reasons for this, I suspect is that the men in particular who afflicted with delayed ejaculation suffer a great deal of shame which inhibits them from expressing their feelings and thoughts – and it’s a commonly made observation that men with delayed ejaculation often aren’t particularly “emotionally literate” anyway.
So taken together, you can understand why men are reluctant to seek help from therapists, and why women are unable to do so – because the problem fundamentally requires both members of the couple to engage in some kind of discussion about it.
So all in all, delayed ejaculation is a problematic condition if the partners aren’t willing to open a discussion – and opening a discussion requires trust, which is often one of the reasons why this ejaculatory problem has occurred in the first place!
What are you going to do if you’re in this situation?
Well, one of the things you can do is to look up a self help solution which you can use at home in private, taking the best of all the different kinds of therapies, and incorporating them into a comprehensive treatment program which you can use to address your particular variation of this syndrome.
(I call it a syndrome, because delayed ejaculation can come in many forms: it can start at the beginning of a man’s sexual life, or it can start later in life; it can be generalized – i.e. occurs with all partners – or specific, i.e. it occurs with just one partner.)
For Men Who Have Difficulty Ejaculating
Delayed ejaculation is a condition in which a man finds it difficult to ejaculate regardless of how long intercourse lasts. Usually men with delayed ejaculation can come more or less normally during masturbation. As you can imagine, this condition can cause some difficulties between a man and his partner. 
A woman whose man cannot ejaculate may assume she is not attractive enough.So you have to think that this problem of not being able to ejaculate in a reasonable time frame during intercourse is something about the interaction with the female partner (although it can affect gay men as well).
There are several possible explanations: a man simply hasn’t learned how to be aroused during intercourse with a partner. Sometimes a man has emotional issues which prevent him establishing the degree of intimacy and connection with his partner necessary for full sexual arousal.
In all cases it’s obvious that a man who isn’t able to ejaculate isn’t reaching the point at which his level of sexual arousal would allow him to ejaculate, and it makes sense to suppose this is either because of physiological problem or an emotional issue.
In men who have physical conditions like diabetes, or more specifically diabetic neuropathy, we know these can be a physical cause of the
difficulty a man has in reaching the point of ejaculation.
But for men without such physical conditions, the causes are almost always emotional and psychological. A lot of guys resent this, and blame their ejaculatory dysfunction on penile insensitivity. While I’d accept that a circumcised penis can develop a keratinized glans over a period of time, whether this does have some impact on the level of sensitivity of the man’s cock is another issue.
However, the unavoidable truth is that the majority of cases of delayed ejaculation appear to be emotionally based, and originate in issues with how aroused a man becomes during sexual interaction with his partner.
The exact nature of the symptoms can help explain what’s going on here: in some cases a man can ejaculate more easily with a different partner. This is a fairly obvious clue that there’s a relationship issue or an intimacy issue with the woman with whom he can’t ejaculate. Ans by the way, this problem is not related to erectile dysfunction. That is generally not an issue when a man has delayed ejaculation, as you can read here in this book.
Life Long vs Acquired Ejaculation Problems
Sometimes delayed ejaculation comes on later in life unexpectedly – and in these cases you have to assume there is some change of dynamic in the relationship or some change in the man’s psychology which is causing the problem.
(It is worth mentioning, however, that among the physical causes of delayed ejaculation, low testosterone levels might be a suspect – and such a lowering of testosterone can develop in a man who aged over 50, sometimes quite suddenly. It is why a full medical examination is helpful to pin down the cause.)
All of this raises the rather interesting question of how you can overcome delayed ejaculation.
Video – solutions for delayed ejaculation
Traditionally, delayed ejaculation has been regarded as a slightly problematic condition, one that’s not easy to solve. But that’s not entirely true, because if you have a man and a woman who are willing to cooperate in working together on the relationship issues that might be contributing to the problem, the problem can be generally solved quite quickly and easily.
The difficulty is that in many cases there is a psychological barrier to connection, or true intimacy, between the man and his partner, and it’s sometimes not even helpful to look at this, because the couple are neither interested in nor capable of examining the deeper emotional issues.
Can delayed ejaculation be overcome?
I’d say, cautiously, that the answer to this is “yes”. Something which resembles cognitive behavioural therapy – in other words dealing with the symptoms rather than the underlying causes – can help men recover the ability to ejaculate in a timely way during intercourse.
Indeed, originally, one of the treatment methods for delayed ejaculation and was to stimulate the man’s penis very vigorously and at the last minute before ejaculation to insert it into his wife’s vagina, so that he could experience the sensation of ejaculating inside her. It sounds harsh, and indeed it is, but the strange thing is that in a certain percentage of cases, this technique actually worked!
It was almost as though there was a kind of barrier stopping a man form ejaculating inside the vagina – perhaps vaginal aversion or some similar sexual issue.
The experience of overcoming this block to orgasm can be very liberating, and apparently can thereafter empower at least some men to ejaculate normally in the future.
It appears that many men required a more subtle and delicate approach, which basically involved re-establishing intimacy and connection with the partner by means of techniques like sensate focus.